After the release of the smash hit Karate Kid in 1984 film studios jumped on the ‘Kid’ bandwagon, with dozens of movies being released throughout the rest of the decade, including a Karate Kid sequel, Tae Kwon Do Kid, Jiu Jitsu Kid and the straight to video release Krav Maga Kid.
Twenty years later, independent film company Derek & Chad Productions hope to ride this craze that doesn’t exist anymore, like that guy I saw once trying to surf in the bottom of an empty wave pool.
In Volleyball Kid 2, D&CP have enlisted the talents of former child stars Ralph Macchio and Mary-Kate Olsen. Together they play the parents of an extremely angry fourteen year old boy named “Angry Dan” (seriously, even his parents call him that) who must learn the lost art of hitting volleyballs really hard to control his anger and save the planet or something, I fell asleep at the beginning for a few minutes.
Perhaps the most bewildering concept behind this film is its insistence that it is very much a sequel to an earlier film called Volleyball Kid. It is not. There has never been, ever, a movie called Volleyball Kid, let alone one that is related to this movie. Don’t tell that to literally every character in the film, however, as they constantly reference the first movie as if we know what they’re talking about.
Midway through the film Ralph Macchio solemnly says “look, we all remember what happened last summer, let’s not relive it” and every character nods in agreement and it might have been the first time since I took that entire bottle of pills with the big green question mark on them that the Riddler gave me (okay, so maybe I took the pills before “Riddler” arrived) that I’ve actually felt ashamed that I don’t remember something that never existed. Much like when my buddy kept asking me if I remember the “Berenstein Bears” instead of the “Berenstain Bears,” I just nodded along in agreement.
After my feelings of being quietly judged by the Karate Kid and Michelle from Full House finally subsided the movie was almost over, but I do know that by the end everyone had dropped the ‘angry’ from “Angry Dan” and there is a wicked beach volleyball (I swear this started in the school gym) montage set to “Twilight Zone” by Golden Earring.
“We really have overcome the horrible tragedies of last summer, haven’t we?” asks Mary-Kate. Indeed, we have, because, as we all know, everywhere you look, there’s a hand to hold onto.
The Fake Movie Critic 